


I'll Never Tell

by Rayoislife



Series: Tell Me You Love Me [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: All aboard the Feels train, Going on a feels trip, M/M, Nightmares, No happy endings, Realistic dreams, SUCH idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 04:09:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10756425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayoislife/pseuds/Rayoislife
Summary: The Nile ain't just a river in Egypt.





	I'll Never Tell

_"No," Bob's voice caught in his throat. "No, no, no." He fell to his knees on the hard asphalt next to the form he knew was only a few inches to his left. "John," his voice was barely a whisper that kissed the air as it left his trembling lips. A soft, gasped sob ripped from Bob's throat as he felt over the body with fumbling hands. The body was still warm and the blind man felt the wet spot that was growing larger still after the last breath had left John's body. Tears flowed freely down Bob's cheeks as he kept his hands on John's chest, desperate to find air still pushing his chest up and down. There was nothing but silence._

_"John..."_

_Bob couldn't remember how it had happened. He and John were talking one moment. In the next, there was a loud noise and a thud. John was dead and on the ground in a puddle of blood._

_"You can't do this to me," Bob cried out, pounding on the still chest beneath him as though he could beat air into the lungs again. "You can't...you can't..." A choked out sob tore from the man and he angrily beat John's still body some more. "I need you, you bastard!" He yelled, his hands now just gripping the fabric of John's shirt. More sobs and tears came as he clinged to the dead man still. "I need you," he whispered softer and then softer still he said, "I love you."_

Sweat, stickiness, and stiff were the first things to come to mind when Bob woke up. There were sticky tears still clinging to his eyelashes and tear tracks drying on his face. He was sweaty from the stress the dream had put him through and it was causing his shirt to stick to his back in an uncomfortable manner. His stiffness was caused by the hard classroom floor he was lying on without anything covering it. It seemed he and John had rolled away from their nice pallet on the floor in the middle of the night. 

A cold fear turned his blood icy as his dream returned to him in a flash. Bile rose to his throat quickly. As fast as he could manage, he disentangled himself from John and rushed to the door and across the hall to the bathroom. He fumbled himself into a stall and ducked his head into the toilet just in the nick of time to spew what little he'd eaten yesterday.

John had heard Bob. Or well, he'd been woken by him with all the distressed noises he'd been making. Not all of it had been coherent, but the last bit. That had been clear as day. He laid there for a few minutes before he got up to check up on the distraught man in the bathroom. 

Bob rose up from the cold tile floor, bracing himself on the surrounding stall walls and the back of the toilet. He used the back of his hand to wipe away the bile on his lips as he flushed the toilet. It took everything in him not to break down when he heard a voice in the doorway.

"Bob?" It was soft and raspy, but filled with concern. Bob didn't need eyes to see the concern he knew would be etched on John's face. The older man simply walked to the sink to wash off his hands. "I...you..."

"Don't." Came the gruff response. It took every ounce inside of him to not let his voice shake. "Just don't." It was harsh and he sent a glare in the other man's general direction before facing the other way to keep everything concealed.

"Yeah. Okay." John shuffled on his feet and Bob could hear the hurt, even if it wasn't all there in his voice, he could hear it. "Um, yeah. I'm just going to lay back down."

It was far too early to be dealing with Bob's mood swings. It wasn't even six am yet.

Bob simply grunted and stayed where he was in front of the sink. He needed to think. Actually, he didn't. He already knew what he was planning to do. He was planning on leaving. Gathering his things from the room that he shared with John and move to an empty one. Then the nightmares would stop.

As it was, Bob had to leave the bathroom at some point and face the day. Face John for a little while. So, with a sigh, he removed himself from the sink and wondered back into the room he shared with John. 

When he entered the room, it was clear to him that John had already decided to go back to sleep, but that only made it easier without John to pester him about what he was doing or his dream. He grabbed what he knew to be his quietly and headed for the door. He paused upon reaching it, his hand shaking on the door knob. "Goodbye, John Smith," he whispered to the quiet room as he steeled himself and crossed the threshold. He felt like he'd lost a marathon, though, all out of breath and shaky. Somewhat jittery. And very disappointed in himself.

The police officer took in a deep breath as he turned from the room to continue down the hall to grab an empty room. The last he knew 138 was empty still. He let his fingers glide over the Braille on the little plaques by the door. "136," he said aloud and went to the next. "138." He tugged open the door and slid inside.

\--

"Why?"

Bob bit his lip and was glad his back was to John. "Because, John," his tone was scathing as he answered the man. "I'm not..." Instead of finishing the sentence, he shook his head.

"So, it was just sex."

"Yes."

There were a few seconds of silence between them.

"Huh," John pursed his lips. "Because I seem to remember something other than sex..."

"John." It was a warning.

John didn't listen to warnings though. "What was it that you screamed out that night? 'I need you, you bastard' and 'I-"

"It was only sex, you fool!" Bob yelled, slamming his fist down on the desk before him. 

"If it was just sex, you would have faced me! You would have told me that! You wouldn't be avoiding me like the coward you are!" 

Bob's chest tightened painfully as the truth was harshly spit at him. He breathed in slowly and turned in the same breath. "Leave," he masked the pain with anger.

"Just say it, Bob. Say that you love me and I'll leave, I swear." 

" _John_."

" _Robert_."

Bob nodded sharply and decided that if John wasn't going to leave, he'd have to. There was no way he was going to admit to that again. Once was enough. Sliding around John, Bob walked out the door.

Just this once, John let him go. He'd never believe it was just sex, not after what he'd heard that night, but if Bob wanted him to just fade away, he'd do that. Because even though he'd never tell Bob, he loved him, too. He'd do whatever made the man happy. Even if it killed them both.


End file.
